Welcome to the internet! Have a look aroundAnything that brain of yours can think of can be foundWe’ve got mountains of content—some better, some worseIf none of it’s of interest to you, you’d be the firstWelcome to the internet! Come and take a seatWould you like to see the news or any famous women’s feet?There’s no need to panic; this isn’t a test, hahaJust nod or shake your head, and we’ll do the restWelcome to thе internet! What would you prefеr?Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?Be happy! Be horny! Be bursting with rage!We’ve got a million different ways to engageWelcome to the internet! Put your cares asideHere’s a tip for straining pasta; here’s a nine-year-old who diedWe’ve got movies and doctors and fantasy sportsAnd a bunch of colored-pencil drawings of all the different charactersIn Harry Potter f**king each otherWelcome to the internet! Hold on to your socks‘Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cockThey are grainy and off-putting; he just sent you moreDon’t act surprised—you know you like it, you whoreSee a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrinkShow us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you thinkStart a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomerOr DM a girl and groom her; do a Zoom or find a tumor in your—Here’s a healthy breakfast option, you should kill your momHere’s why women never f**k you, here’s how you can build a bombWhich Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quizObama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids
Could I interest you in everything all of the time?A little bit of everything all of the timeApathy’s a tragedy, and boredom is a crimeAnything and everything all of the timeCould I interest you in everything all of the time?A little bit of everything all of the timeApathy’s a tragedy, and boredom is a crimeAnything and everything all of the timeYou know, it wasn’t always like thisNot very long ago, just before your timeRight before the towers fell, circa ’99This was catalogs, travel blogs, a chatroom or twoWe set our sights and spent our nights waiting for you!You, insatiable youMommy let you use her iPad; you were barely twoAnd it did all the things we designed it to doNow, look at you! Oh, look at you!You, you! Unstoppable, watchableYour time is now, your inside’s out, honey, how you grewAnd if we stick together, who knows what we’ll do?It was always the plan to put the world in your handLaughing hystericallyCould I interest you in everything all of the time?A bit of everything all of the timeApathy’s a tragedy, and boredom is a crimeAnything and everything all of the timeCould I interest you in everything all of the time?A little bit of everything all of the timeApathy’s a tragedy, and boredom is a crimeAnything and everything and anything and everythingAnd anything and everything andAll of the time
