On My Own Lyrics - Problematic

Dear lord, can you show me the way
I am feeling pessimistic & losing my faith
Every single night I lay in bed & I pray
Keep repeating my actions yet expecting a change
So toxic, think I needa get a grip quick
Demolish, take control the cards I am dealt
Stop stalling, saying that I am okay way too often
Nothing but a lie I am obnoxious

I don’t need a handout
I don’t want endorsements
You can save your 2 cents
I will never forfeit
Just sit back let life take its course and
I have been riding solo sorta like an orphan

Dopamine check for a minute won’t last
Overthinking everything dwelling on my past
Sitting on the fence & dealing with resentment
Alter ego taking over I don’t want that

Where you gonna turn when nothing else matters
How you suppose too love when your heart soo shattered
Success leaves clues I should probably try too fathom
Instead of falling right back in the same patterns

I was traumatized, ptsd
Gimme time to myself ’cause I really can’t breathe
Still I keep my head high used too be naive
Let fear hold you back then a victim you will be
They don’t see the nightmares
They don’t hear the screams
Gotta get up out this hole
Down 30 feet deep
So close too the edge giving every ounce left
I have been trapped in a prison but I am holding them keys

Damn, ironic now, is not it
Cynicism all around make better friends
Take your mind on a trip like a molly binge

But I have been on my way up if I fall
It’s a long way down, ooh ooh
Maybe it’s unfortunate that I am lost
Where did I goo wrong
F^^king me up mentally
And I can’t find my sanity
Balance out the lows

I am getting high another frequency
People love too turn you soo cold
I am better on my own

Getting comfortable where I stand
Gotta take a leap of faith god damn
Literally I am drifting why am I soo distant
Pushing you away was not part of the plan
Regrets, regrets
Creepin’ up instantly
Intense, what’s next
Searching for some inner peace
Demons lurking
Will not get away from me
My fault, my fault
Draining all my energy

Taking pride in what I do but I am slacking
Think by now that you’d probably learn your lesson greg
Don’t ever question my ability or passion
These voices I can never really tame

Should turn the page but I am stuck on the same chapter
Ooh lord, please wash away my sins
Soo distracted on the wrong path and
You don’t really wanna know where I have been

Ever feel like nobody understands you
Ever feel like you really wanna runaway
Something missing in your life can’t stand who
You have become so you’d rather just hide the pain
Self loathing in doubt
Grab the blade, contemplate
Then I blackout
Sitting on the floor still trying too absorb
Pleasing everybody else how I lost myself
That’s real

But I have been on my way up if I fall
It’s a long way down, ooh ooh
Maybe it’s unfortunate that I am lost
Where did I goo wrong
F^^king me up mentally
And I can’t find my sanity
Balance out the lows
I am getting high another frequency
People love too turn you soo cold
I am better on my own